Held
by LabRats89
Summary: This story is about Harry’s struggle  to continue on with life after his son dies from Shaken Baby Syndrome.  The worst part is, he struggles to forgive the person who did this... Ginny. Harry must learn, with the help of his friends, to move on. RR!


_**A/N: This story is about Harry's struggle to continue on with life after his son dies from Shaken Baby Syndrome. The worst part is, he struggles to forgive the person who did this... The hardest part is, it's Harry's wife Ginny who killed their son Chris. Harry must learn, with the help of his friends, to move on. Please enjoy and REVIEW at the end! **_

_Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter – But I do OWN this story_

_Rating: T+…mature subject; just a bit of a tearjerker_

**Summary: Ginny goes insane and shakes her and Harry's son to unconsciousness. When baby Chris dies, Harry must learn to deal with this horrific loss. Please RR --- tearjerker; Songfic**

**Song: Held**

**Artist: Natalie Grant**

**Copyright©: DansAngel89; SLA Production; Stacey Lynne**

**Date Story Released: July 19, 2007**

**Please note that SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME is not a joking matter. Only one-third out of babies who are shaken survive. The babies who do survive are never the person they once were. They can go blind, go deaf, become paralyzed, and not be able to talk or eat (without a feeding tube). They are bound to have some sort of learning disability (mental retardation). **

**If anyone out there knows of parents with newborns through toddlers who appear to be wiped out and exhausted, off to watch the kid for a couple hours and give those parents a break away from the child. You might just save that child from becoming a victim of SBS (Shaken Baby Syndrome)**

* * *

Ron and Hermione sat on the sofa across from Harry at Godric's Hollow. Harry continued to stare at the burning fire in the fireplace, tears glistening in his eyes. 

_Four months ago, Harry's beloved wife Ginny cracked, taking out her rage on their eight-month-old son, Christopher James Potter. She shook him until he fell unconscious. Chris was born with colic, but he was fighting off a cold that week, so it was to be expected he'd be more prone to crying. Harry had been at his Auror training when Ginny abused their son. Harry had arrived home to find the Weasley clan at his house, Fred holding a listless baby in his arms. Harry had rushed over to his son, gathering him in his arms and apparating to St. Mungo's. An hour passed until Healer Emily Devine informed him that Chris was suffering from Shaken Baby Syndrome. Two hours later, Hermione and Ron had joined him in Chris's room, telling him that Ginny was admitted into the Spell Damage ward at the hospital. Christopher never met the path to recovery, his health continued to spiral in declination. Little baby Chris was diagnosed with blindness, deafness, and paralysis from the waste down. Harry didn't care if his son was mentally retarded, all he wanted was for his little boy to recover, to get off all the life-saving machines._

_It was on Christopher James' first birthday that Harry was finally allowed to hold his dear son. Hermione and Ron had been there, and their hearts clenched as Harry cried while holding his dying child. Chris must've felt his father's familiar touch, because a small, almost, invisible smile graced his tiny lips. As fast as the smile had appeared, Chris's head lolled to the side. Harry let out a heart-wrenching bellow of __**"No!" **__as he cried his heart out. His son was dead, died in the security of his father's strong and protective arms. Harry kissed his son's forehead repeatedly while mumbling "I love you, sweetie." over and over again._

Hermione clutched her two-week-old infant daughter, Madison Faith Weasley, tighter to her chest as Ron held onto Hermione as they grieved the loss of their Godson's life.

_Two months is too little._

_They let him go._

_They had no sudden healing._

_To think that providence would,_

_Take a child from his mother while she prayed,_

_Is appalling._

It had been three days since Christopher's burial. Harry barely spoke. He just kept Chris's blanket clutched to his chest and every couple minutes he would smell it, taking in Chris's treasured scent.

"Harry, mate, would you like to meet your Goddaughter?" Ron asked cautiously, holding his now three-week-old daughter in his arms.

Harry turned his head, his cried-out eyes gazing at Ron, "I no longer wish to be _her_ Godfather."

"You don't mean that. You're full of anger right now, which I understand. But you really do love Maddie," spoke Hermione softly, but rationally.

Harry remained silent. Then, in an unsteady voice, he confessed, "I prayed and I prayed for God to help Chris through this storm, but God ignored me once again. There is no God, therefore; I cannot be Maddie's Godfather."

Ron fought the urge to roll his eyes and restated his question, "All right, mate, I respect that. Would you then like to become acquainted with my daughter?"

"You can simply be her guardian," added Hermione. "How about that, Har?"

"You guys just don't get it do you!? I don't want to be near another kid. God decided Chris was making me too happy, so he took him away from me. Now you and Ron have a baby and you're acting as though I should be comfortable around her as if Chris didn't matter. Well let me tell you something! CHRIS WAS MY LIFE! GINNY TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME! YOU SEE WHAT IT'S LIKE AFTER YOUR CHILD IS STOLEN FROM YOU!"

Hermione was sobbing, her gaze fixed on her best friend.

"Harry, we didn't mean that. I hope we never have to go through what you're going through, but don't take all your bitterness out on our daughter who has done nothing wrong," warned Ron, protecting his daughter.

"Harry, maybe Maddie will help you heal. Sometimes a child is just the right remedy."

Harry gave his friends a glance, then rested his eyes on the baby in Ron's arms and pondered Hermione's words.

_Who told us we'd be rescued?_

_What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?_

_We're asking why this happens,_

_To us who have died to live?_

_It's unfair._

Ron gently placed Madison Faith into Harry's outstretched, trembling arms. Harry heaved in a long, shaky breath as holding the baby brought back a normal sensation to Harry. His eyes watered as he stared down at his Goddaughter.

"Hey Maddie," Harry whispered, gently kissing her angelic lips.

Harry's worst nightmare came into reality and he lost the light of his life that night, his son. Chris lost his life because his mother could no longer take his constant fussing. His innocence cost him his life. Harry figured his parents had felt the very same way after they were taken from him, the night they died and he survived… Harry felt like shouting,_**"Why is it that everyone I love is stolen from me? Who's next!? IT'S NOT FAIR!"**_

_This is what it means to be held._

_How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life,_

_And you survive._

_This is what it is to be loved._

_And to know that the promise was,_

_When everything fell we'd be held._

"Why am I still alive? Ginny and Chris were my life," cried Harry into Ron's shoulder; Ron held him tightly. "Why am alive!?"

Ron continued to comfort Harry as his emotions took over.

"You're alive, mate, because you have a special purpose in this world."

"What is that? I've already taken care of Voldemort," snapped Harry.

"You are meant to be a father, Harry. One day, you are going to have another child to raise. You'll see. You will be a hero to this kid."

"I don't want another child, Ron. I just want my baby boy back!"

Hermione, Maddie fast asleep in her arms, told Harry, "I know you know that's not possible. But, Harry, there's a child out there somewhere – and someday when you're ready to be a daddy again – you will make that child one happy kid."

Harry knew he'd have to get on with his life, but thinking of raising another child – he felt he was personally betraying his son.

_This hand is bitterness._

_We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow._

_The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow._

Harry marched down to Ginny's ward and burst into her room. He grabbed her violently and shook her aggressively.

"Stop," Ginny begged, her eyes wide in fear.

"How do you like it!? It hurts, doesn't' it?"

Ginny stared at Harry in horror and nodded.

Harry growled a dangerous laugh, "How do you think our son felt when you did it to him? Chris was just a baby! All babies cry, Ginny! You killed our son! I HATE YOU!" screamed Harry, violently slapping her across the face. Five minutes slipped by, and his rage settled down. He stared, terrified, at the red mark forming on his wife's cheek. "Oh God, Ginny… I'm – I'm sorry. It's just… Chris – Merlin, I'm sorry, Ginny."

Horrified at what he had done to his mentally ill wife, Harry hurried out of St. Mungo's and headed back to Godric's Hollow.

_This is what it means to be held._

_How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life,_

_And you survive._

_This is what it is to be loved._

_And to know that the promise was,_

_When everything fell we'd be held._

When Harry arrived home; Molly, Arthur, Hermione, Ron, and Maddie were sitting, waiting for him. They all held solemn expressions on their faces. Harry's eyes traveled over to Molly, who was holding Remus and Tonks' five-month-old baby boy in her arms.

"Are you babysitting Hayden Zachary, mom?" Harry asked Molly Weasley politely.

"Son, Remus and Tonks were killed three hours ago. Their assignment went wrongly. They named you as Hayden's guardian and next of kin."

Harry looked perplexed, "He's mine now?"

"Yes," replied Arthur quietly. "He needs a home, Harry. And look at him now… Ever since you came into the room, he hasn't stopped smiling at you."

"You are going to adopt him, aren't you, Harry?" pressed Molly. "Hayden's in the same predicament you were in as a baby."

"Mate, if you don't adopt him, Hayden may end up in the hands of people just like the Dursleys."

"Ron's right, Harry. I know you never want a child going through what you went through."

Harry collected baby Hayden in his arms and felt almost fully complete again. He would have a purpose in this world again. He would have a son once more. Harry knew Hayden could never replace Christopher, but at least he'd be loved and gazed up upon. He could still have a family, someone to care for. Harry had dreams for this child, just like he had had for Chris.

Rocking the baby in his arms, Harry said, "Welcome home, son."

Everyone in the room smiled through their tears, knowing Harry had just made the right and healthy choice.

_If hope is born of suffering,_

_If this is only the beginning,_

_Can we not wait for one hour watching for our saviour?_

Harry sat in the rocking chair in what was once Chris's room, but was now Hayden's; watching his new son sleep. This was a new beginning for both Harry and Hayden. Both of them had just experienced great losses, and now they deeply depended on each other to survive. Harry would take Hayden to visit his parents', grandparents', and brother's graves. He would even, only once in a while, take him to St. Mungo's to visit his mother. Once Ginny was released from St. Mungo's, Harry was ready to give her a second chance. He loved Ginny and he prayed for her every night. The three of them would be a family once again, someday.

_This is what it means to be held._

_How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life,_

_And you survive._

_This is what it is to be loved._

_And to know that the promise was,_

_When everything fell we'd be held._

Six years had passed and Ginny was finally back in Harry and Hayden's lives. Harry and Ginny were now tucking six-year-old Hayden into bed.

"Daddy, I'm glad you never stopped loving mommy. I love you, mommy."

"I love you too, munchkin."

"Hayden, you're my life and so is your mother. Nothing in this world could stop me from loving you guys.

"I love you, daddy."

"I love you too, buddy."

"Can we go to Chris's grave tomorrow?"

Harry shook his had, "We're going to the Burrow tomorrow, bud."

"Before, very fast, please…"

The eagerness in his son's eyes was overwhelming.

"All right. But just for a few minutes."

"Thanks daddy!" Hayden exclaimed, wrapping his arms around his father's neck.

A half an hour later, Harry and Ginny sat cuddled together on the sofa down in the family room.

"Harry, I want to say again just how sorry I am that I killed our baby. I snapped, not knowingly. It scares the hell out of me."

"I forgive you, Gin. You had no control over it."

"I love, you Harry. And I am so happy we have Hayden in our lives."

"Me too. He's our little miracle. I love you, Ginny."

"Harry, maybe someday, we can try for another kid? That is, if you will ever trust me with a baby again?"

"I'd like that. And Ginny, I'll always trust you."

_Yeah…_

_We'd be held._

_Ooo…_

_This is what it is to be loved._

_And to know that the promise was,_

_When everything fell we'd be held._

_This is what it means to be held._

Harry and Ginny watched their son, Hayden, board the Hogwarts Express for his first year. Harry couldn't believe eleven years had flown by so quickly. In six years, their daughter Abigail Lillian, would be on her journey to Hogwarts. Then, in another eleven years, Sirius Remus Potter, would be venturing into the magical school of Hogwarts.

Even though Harry and Ginny's relationship started off on a bumpy road, experiencing the death of their first child – their lives became content and adventurous. Sadly, as the years passed while Hayden, Abby, and Sirius grew; the visits to Chris , Remus, Tonks, and Harry's parents' graves became slim to none. The Potter family was moving on. Though their departed loved ones would never be forgotten, the Potters were on a healthy track as they continued on their adventure that they call life.

_**A/N: Well, what did you think of it? Please let me know in your review! Thanks!!!**_


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